“You…complete me.” Nearly every self-respecting chick-flick spectator can tell you exactly what comes next. It’s the starry-eyed moment every school-girl dreams of: her very own Jerry Maguire to interrupt with an epic line. And then they run into each others arms, and her circle of friends all sigh, one hand pressed to their hearts and the other tightly clutched in their neighbor’s.
All cliche’s aside (I’m actually not a very huge fan of this particular movie XD fun fact!), the whole idea of one person “completing” another is a rather serious topic. “You complete me” are probably some of the most dangerous words you can say to another human being. But why is that? What’s so wrong with wanting companionship, a partner in crime to fight through this crazy thing called life? What’s so dangerous about finding your soul-mate, your match-made-in-heaven, your one true love? Hear me, especially you girls out there; hear me loud and clear: no one on this earth can complete you.
We were designed to love and to be loved. That’s how we were created! It’s in our make-up, the very structure of our being. I’m not arguing that our purpose isn’t to love and be loved. I am arguing however that that purpose is fulfilled in the way many people–and most media–thinks: by the love of another human in our lives.
This month we’ve been talking a lot about love, and it’s true I believe there is Only One Love that fulfills our deepest need for acceptance and allays our deepest fear of rejection. The world will tell us that we must search for this epic love story, a story to rival those we read and watch, a story filled with heart-wrenching moments and butterflies. But…heart-wrenching moments hurt and butterflies fly away. Real life doesn’t work that way.
We romanticize love. We read these fluffy storybooks and they make us smile. I call it grinning goofy. Lemme just tell ya, I love a good, fluffy story. I like my meat, too, but sometimes the feels are just what a gal needs. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying these fun little rom-coms and swooning over the noble gentleman who frequents your dreams. It’s good to have expectations and standards for your future–and present–relationships. I just hope you don’t have unrealistic expectations, that’s all.
I think it’s extremely wise to consider your romantic affairs carefully. I think it’s far too easy to fall prey to someone who isn’t worth your time, simply because you crave attention, acceptance, and ultimately love. There are so many different varieties of the jerk-wad and the dysfunctional relationships that I won’t get into any of them here. However, my point is not that setting standards isn’t okay. I want you to look for a good man (or woman, for my guys out there). I want you to put your foot down and only choose the honest, genuine man of integrity. But…I also want you to know that he isn’t the end game. He isn’t the one who makes you whole and asking him to be isn’t helping your relationship by any stretch of the imagination.
Don’t rely on anyone to complete you. Don’t put anyone on a pedestal–sometimes that does them more harm than it does you! And don’t let anyone put you on that pedestal either! We are not meant to be lifted higher than one another in any way other than through prayer. We are meant to serve one another, to fight beside each other, to be brothers and sisters in arms. We are meant to carry one another’s burdens–where feasible–but not to exalt, worship, or idolize each other. No one’s perfect. No one’s capable of perfection and to demand such is simply cruel.
When you put someone above you, in a place of perfection, not only are your priorities mixed up and not only are you putting a person in the place God should hold in your life, but you’re also putting a whole lot of pressure on the person you cherish so much! Think about it. Can you stand up to the standards you’re placing on your loved one? What on earth makes you think they can? By placing such standards on someone you claim to love so dearly, you’re actually stressing them out. They’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. They have to either continually be on point 24/7 or risk failing you, someone they love.
It’s positively exhausting trying to live up to the perfectionist expectations of the pedestal position! Such an endeavor will eventually drain the emotional spirit and health of the person you expect so much from. They can’t move heaven and earth, not all of the time. Even that person is grumpy sometimes, selfish sometimes, spiteful sometimes. I mean, have you met just about anybody without their morning coffee?? Humans are a mess! There’s only one Man with the strength to shoulder the responsibility and expectation of unconditional love and perfection, and I assure you, it’s not the beloved friend or lover or family member of yours.
Guys, I’m not saying hang around crappy people. I’m not saying to continue letting that person in your life hurt you over and over and over again because you just know that someday he’ll get it right. Yeah, someday he might, but you don’t always have to be there for that day. Conversely, I’m also not saying to just give up on the people you love, so don’t hear that either. It’s a sign of maturity to choose people with admirable qualities to be your friends. It’s one of the steps of living intentionally. “You become who you hang around with” isn’t just an empty phrase. Choose people who will uplift you, who will challenge you, who will be honest with you and hold you accountable. Surround yourself with thoroughbreds instead of mules. “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” comes from Proverbs, the book of wisdom. Heed that advice, but do so with the knowledge that people will fail you and with the grace to forgive them–and yourself–when they do.
So, find that true love. Search for your Darcy–or your Lizzy. Don’t give up if your in my group of singles; love is out there for you. Have standards that you won’t budge on, but make sure they’re realistic, high standards and that you aren’t worshiping your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse when you do enter into the relationship. And remember, the only true way to ensure that you aren’t falling into the “you complete me” trap is to build a relationship daily with the Only One who can complete you the way you were designed to be completed: Jesus Christ.
Love always,
Coralie
P.S. Tune in next week to see what standards I hold and what qualities I look for in a potential spouse!