Have you ever heard that little ditty? You know the one kids sing to each other as a taunt and adults mutter under their breath as reassurance? “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” I’ve heard it a thousand times. I’ve said it a few times too. But, if we’re being honest…is it really true?

Words have power. The Bible says that our tongues are “a double edged sword.” Yikes! Meet any swordsmen lately? Ever read any Jane Austen? Whew! Her characters had some sharp tongues! I like wit. I enjoy clever banter. It’s part of why I admire Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility so much. BBC’s television show Sherlock is also really clever and full of fun wordplay. The show is, obviously, based on Sir Aurthur Conan Doyle’s—another British author—Sherlock Holmes books and characters. I’ve always said that I love Jane Austen’s dialogue—and many other authors in 1800’s literature—because that is the only time in which one could insult another with complete civility! It was the way the society was structured. It’s fun to watch and read, great to dissect and analyze, to decode double meanings, but how’s it in real life? Not always so fun, huh.

“The pen is mightier than the sword” is a famous quote (accredited to Edward Bulwer Lytton). Have you ever stopped to think about the saying? Why is it that it’s become so popular? What did he mean when he meant it? Is there any truth in it? I believe there is significant truth to Lytton’s words and that is why it has become so well-known. As for it’s meaning, clearly words do in fact have the power to hurt us.

It’s a different kind of hurt, though. Words don’t cause a physical pain as a sword or stones would. They don’t leave us bleeding from cuts or bruised from lynching. But metaphorically? Mentally and Emotionally? Sometimes words can leave wounds far deeper than any blade could. And that is why we are instructed to hold our tongues, to think before we speak. Once it’s said, there’s no taking it back. No matter how many times you apologize, the damage has already been done.

I once read something somewhere that pointed out that words were formed from vibrations and once spoken aloud, created sound. Sounds simple, but it went on to say that sound has a physical embodiment. Sound is made up of frequencies and vibrations that travel through the air to reach our eyes. Go check out the science behind it all sometime; it’s fascinating, really. My point, however, is that if you think about it, words once spoken enter our world, travel through the air, and never stop. The words are both physically in the world for eternity and emotionally in the memory of the recipient for the rest of his life. Boy, I sure hope you know what you’re saying.

Words settle into our souls. Why do they mean so much? Many times, the people who speak hold the power. I’m more likely to care what my mother says to and about me than I am what some stranger does. I care about what she thinks and believes about me. Does she think I’m smart enough? Does she think I have the potential to make a difference in this world? What about husbands and wives? You care about what your spouse thinks. Ladies, you spend extra time in the morning doing up your hair and makeup, hoping your husbands will take note. Men, don’t you puff out your chests when your wives tell you how much they respect you? Words matter because they affect how we perceive ourselves.

Just as words can tear people down, they can also raise them up. In Proverbs, it says “the words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (12:18). Healing. Wow. I’m no doctor, but I still have the power to bring healing to the people in my life. When my best friend tells me that I make her feel important, special, and included, that makes my day. When I’m down in the dumps, her words lift me up. She make sure to remind me that I am worth it, I am valuable, I am loved. And that is what we all truly crave. To be loved.

Do your words Speak Life into the people around you? Even a kind word to a complete stranger can make a difference. You have no idea what that man or woman is going through. Next time you go through the drive-thru and the guy gets your order mixed up with someone else’s, maybe you should reconsider that instinctive flare of anger. The next time that girl rushes into you and spills your coffee all over your lap cause she’s late, maybe you should think before you lash out at her. For all you know that restaurant guy has a newborn to support at home and didn’t get any sleep last night. For all you know that girl may be applying for a job that she desperately needs to buy her groceries. For all you know that total stranger could be contemplating suicide and he just needs someone to treat him with kindness. We never know the full stories, even of the people we see every day. You don’t share your story with the whole world, why should you suddenly be an expert on everyone else’s?

Anyone who knows me, knows I am very…particular about my words. I love studying language, learning new words, and puzzling out how to apply them in my writing and everyday speech. Diction is very important to me. I don’t like to say things I don’t mean. I was raised to say what I mean and to mean what I say. So, if I’m not angry, I won’t claim to be. I may be frustrated or irritated, but I’m not angry. I worked with a girl once who was very loose with her words. We drove each other crazy! She didn’t pay any attention to the connotation or meaning of her words and often just slapped them together without realizing the levity of what she said and I often nitpicked when she asked me questions.

Obviously I don’t mean we should each be so OCD as I am or to ever use this as an excuse to intentionally taunt others, but I do think it’s important that we consider the impact of our words. We all lose our tempers at some point, and no one is perfect. But in your everyday speech, what language do you use? Do you keep your promises or do you toss them around flamboyantly? When you say “I promise…” or “I swear…” you’re making a vow. You’re binding yourself to the rest of that statement. How often do you let slip a promise just because it’s conventional or colloquial? When was the last time you stopped to consider the depth of the true meaning of the words you use? Do you flippantly say “I hate…”? Hate is really a very strong word, regardless of whether it’s directed toward a person or a thing.

Think about the weight of your words this week. Think about what you say as it comes out of your mouth. Think about whether or not you truly meant those words. Then think about how those words affect others. How can you lift someone up, intentionally, with your words? Make a point to consider your words this week, as an experiment, and choose to be wise in your words. Use words that encourage, uplift, and inspire, not words that are empty, leave scars, and create doubt. Use words that share love and mean it. 

Love always,
Coralie