Alright, y’all, welcome back to the embarrassing misadventures of my life! So, last week, I left a teaser for this week’s thought. It’s February, so I figured it would be fitting to focus on love for the month, and I’ve tried to take a few different approaches. A couple of love-themed book reviews, a love-themed short story, and of course, the love-themed Thoughts on Thursdays.

So, quick recap (I swear I had a plan XD): We started off talking about the innate desire within us as human beings to love and be love and how there is Only One Love that can truly do that. Then, for Valentine’s Day, I wanted to touch base with my Singles out there and encourage them in their search for love through the muck and mire of our modern society. This isn’t a race and it certainly isn’t a curse. After that, we kind of talked about the whole You Complete Me mentality and how destructive that can be to the people we love most as well as ourselves. All that said and done, all the warnings out of the way essentially, now I want to dive into what it is we should look for in human affection and love. So, without further ado, what exactly do I want in my future spouse?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with desiring a partner in life. I think marriage can be a gift from God, much in the same way the time before marriage can be. Additionally, let me point out that I don’t think entertaining this idea, planning for marriage one day, or even indulging in fluff every now and then (ie. romantic comedy films, reading fairy tales, gushing with your best friend over a crush, etc.) makes you any less devoted to God.

Some people go way out to the far end of the spectrum and say that marriage is the end all to be all, that a man will complete her and her life (or vice versa). We already addressed the obvious error in this mentality–no one can “complete” you and you don’t need to put that kind of pressure on someone. You aren’t some broken half looking for your missing piece to make you whole and a husband isn’t going to suddenly solve all of your problems in life. However, on the other end of that extreme, are the people who claim you should never marry, never depend on anyone else or allow yourself to fall in love. They think the ultimate point in life is the one at which you stand up and do everything for yourself. These are the people that chew out the poor guy who thought it would be polite to hold the door open for you behind him as you both exit the grocery store. He walks away bewildered and ashamed and they huff off, muttering about women and the ability to do things just as well as he can. But let’s be honest, there’s truly no side of holier-than-thou that looks pretty.

So, no, I don’t believe a man is going to complete me and, no, I don’t believe he’s going to solve all of my problems, but yes, one day, I’d like to face life with a friend, a partner in crime, and someone who will make incredible memories with me. I’m not saying meeting and marrying a spouse is the climactic point in your life and that once you hit that point, it’s all downhill so sit back and relax. Neither am I saying that I want to live life on my own til the day I die. If that is my lot, if that is God’s plan, I’ll be content with it—I’ll even rejoice in it. All the more time I will be given with my creator and heavenly Father! But something inside of me desires, eventually, to find someone with whom I can walk this journey called life. 

I don’t think it comes as a surprise to any of you that I look for character qualities in a potential partner. Yes, we all swoon at the tall, dark, and handsome Darcy figure and dream of time to kill and money to spare, but what really makes a man worth trusting, worth respecting, and worth spending the rest of your life with?

For me, it’s a few things. For starters, trust. I want to find someone I can trust implicitly, someone who makes me feel safe, and whom I believe will have our family’s best interests at heart. Trust is difficult for me, personally. I don’t trust easily, so it will be a big deal to find someone I can be comfortable with, someone I can be myself with, someone I can deeply and truly trust.

I desire to find a man who will stand up. A man who will stand for justice and truth, who will stand for his beliefs, even when no one else will, especially when no one else will. He must be firm in his faith and stand on a solid foundation so that when we face storms, we weather them together and never lose sight of God. This doesn’t mean he is perfect. Nobody’s perfect! But it does mean that he has strong convictions and an incredible integrity. We have to be on the same page to survive marriage, and when one of us is down, the other can lift us up.

I believe a man protects. I believe a man leads. This may be unpopular, but I want to find someone I can follow—and, again, that plays into trusting him. I’m not here to be led blindly by a bridle; he will love me enough to listen and hear what I have to say, but he will also have the strength to head our family and guide us through our lives. See how this builds into what we’ve already said? If I trust him, and if his foundation is firmly in Christ, then following his lead won’t be a problem. Clearly, I’ll still have my own two brain cells to rub together, but I believe a strong, Godly man leads his family. 

I plan to live my life with someone whom I can serve. It is my heart, my desire, to serve my husband and my family to the best of my abilities. I want to do what is right for my family and I want to find someone I can support, someone I can encourage. Love is sacrificial and self-less and I intend to learn how to love like God loves a little more each day. I hope to find someone I can share my life with, someone I can make memories with. I dream of a man who will stand by my side and who will grow with me. Growing and living life on purpose are so important to me. I need a partner who sees that and who will take the steps to be the man God designed him to be and to help me do the same. 

Marriage isn’t about escaping life’s realities or solving your own personal problems. Face it, we all got issues! And choosing daily to commit to another human being isn’t a decision to take lightly! Merging your life with someone else so completely can be thrilling, but I hear it takes a lot of work. Until I reach that point, I plan to live my life intentionally for my God. If one day, I find a man willing to fill the mighty big shoes I’ve envisioned, then we’ll spend the rest of our lives living intentionally together.  

I hope y’all have had a fantastic February! Drop a note and tell me a story about your February thoughts this year!

Love always,
Coralie

P.S. Just cause…Be a Man 😀