There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under the heavens. And February? Well, everyone knows this is the time for love.
That’s right, this is the season of reds, pinks, whites, and purples. The stores of full of sparkly heart-shaped balloons, incredibly large stuffed bears, super sappy, lovey-dovey cards, and foil-wrapped chocolatey goodness! Hallmark is geared up and armed with the cheesiest of tv dramas. Jewelry stores are polishing their goods. Women are squeeing and men are groaning. But more than wallets are hurting this Valentine season. Hearts are hurting, too.
We know that Only One Love can fulfill us, truly, deeply, and genuinely fill our hearts and breathe meaning and purpose into our lives. God is the only love that is unconditional and perfect and we need Him ingrained into the deepest parts of our lives. He is the only one who Completes us.
But, God also made man. And He himself said it isn’t good for man to be alone. (See Genesis for that whopper of a tale!) The Creator of the universe declared that romantic love was a part of our lives–and that it was good. So where does that leave us quite noticeably unattached peeps?
We’re so hung up on romantic love, we even turned it into its own holiday. Single Awareness Day–Uh…I mean, Valentine’s Day 😀 has its historical roots, yes, and we’ve turned in into basically another Christmas-a-holic shopping spree to show our love with our pocketbooks, yes. But, I still believe there’s something deeper than that. We’re fascinated by love. We yearn for love. That desire to be cherished by a special someone doesn’t just go away, and the older you get, the harder not having a special someone can be.
We live in a society where people place such a huge emphasis on falling in love, finding your one true love, and then, once we have found it, we blast the internet with it! We take off our gloves and let our hands rest on the side of the carriage just so that someone just might see the ring, so to speak. (Bonus points if you caught that one 😉 ) But, sometimes, that emphasis makes the singles feel…well, unloved.
My own brother recently got married. And I am so, so incredibly happy for him. And my new sister is beautiful! I’m thrilled to have her as a part of my family! But, whether intentional or not, people treat singles differently than they do married couples. People treat singles like there’s something wrong with them, like they haven’t tried hard enough or they’ve done something they shouldn’t have. And they treat married couples like they’ve done something right, like they’re wiser, smarter, or better off. Like a ring somehow makes them…more than they were the day before without that same ring. Whoa, y’all, I only know of one ring that holds that kind of power and it isn’t a ring I want!
My point is this: we often hail marriage as good and right. And, it is. But that doesn’t mean that singlehood isn’t good or right. One isn’t better than the other. They’re simply different. Different seasons.
Marriage has its own set of problems to face, its own challenges. Marriage isn’t the end game. It isn’t our purpose in life or the ultimate trophy for getting it right. The grass isn’t greener on the marriage side of the tracks. It’s just…different. It comes with pros and cons, just like single life does.
There’s a time to be single, and there’s a time to be married. Marriage isn’t the end of the story and singleness isn’t some trial to endure until you’ve done something right and somehow reached marriage. Singleness is a gift, just like marriage is! Even if it doesn’t feel like it in our society, we can learn to see the true value in the season of singleness.
Seasons come and seasons go. Time changes, and so do we. But that doesn’t mean we should wish our lives away, pining for what we don’t have. That’s the surest way to waste the precious time we’ve been given instead of using it wisely to grow and become more like Christ. We don’t have to wait for a partner to cherish our lives. We can love our lives now.
I recently read a book by Rachel Cruze called Love Your Life, Not Theirs. She argues that we spend so much of our lives wishing we had the lives we see on our “friends'” social media that we let in seeds of discontentment and bitterness. She says that cultivating a heart of gratitude is the best and surest way of combating the “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality. And, she’s right. If we find what we’re grateful for in our own lives, then we become happier people and we learn to love our lives.
I mean, who wants to live a life eaten up with jealousy and full of pining for things we don’t have? Has that ever fulfilled anyone? When has it ever worked either? It makes for an exhausting and lonely life. I’m not saying it’s wrong to have desires. But we can’t let them rule our lives or determine our happiness. Besides, if we choose to love our lives as they are, then when seasons change and we’re blessed with other gifts–perhaps even marriage one day–then our lives will become even richer, adding one blessing to another.
Singleness is a time to learn who we are, to deepen our relationship with our Father. This is a time to cherish and to have fun! Think about it. When you don’t have the distraction of another person to care for or be concerned with, you can do so many incredible things. You have complete control over your own finances, your schedule, your time, decisions, etc. You can pursue your own interests and strengthen your skills, dive into hobbies and hone your current knowledge, or learn all new things. You can make plans at the drop of a hat, travel wherever you want whenever you want, and focus on your goals, dreams, and desires.
When it’s just you and God, you get to discover who He made you to be and what you want in life. You get to choose who you want to be and you get to develop those character traits.
So, maybe slow down this Valentine season. Find ways to see this time as a gift. There’s so much pressure from our society, even our friends and family at times, our parents, the culture we live in, even strangers sometimes! They want us to be happy, to “find happiness,” to settle down and find that one true love, but…maybe it doesn’t take a true love to find happiness. Maybe we can choose happiness here and now.
Being married doesn’t make us happier or smarter or more successful or even more loved. Don’t let others put you down because you aren’t married or dating anyone yet. God’s timing is perfect! It truly is. Even though we can’t see it now, He is working in our lives. He’s moving mountains that we don’t even see. Your desires aren’t wrong. He put that hunger in our heart and His plans are good. His impeccable timing will come through, for whatever His plan may be. Cherish the time you have now. Love your life. Be happy in this season. Devote yourself to God and He will direct your steps. Follow Him. Don’t waste your life waiting. Live the life you want now. Go make it happen.
And don’t settle! All I’m saying is that better be one heck of a man to take me away from this incredible gift of singleness! 😉 This can be a season of memories I laugh over, a season of life I treasure, a season of growth and discovery, of crazy adventures and that precious Father-daughter time I won’t ever get again. This can be a season of love. If I let it. And…it can be for you, too.
Love always,
Coralie
Still by Hillary Scott
Reason by Unspoken
I meant what I said about Single Awareness Day last year, and if you struggle with this holiday, I strongly urge you to check it out. This isn’t a day to mourn, but rather one to remember how precious our time in this season truly is.