What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? When life hits you from all angles all at once? How do you pause and recharge? How do you pay attention to your needs and replenish yourself?
I’ve been going through a lot of changes recently, and some of them have just been disappointing to be honest. I’m physically exhausted, emotionally low on steam, and spiritually starting to feel the effects of both.
Some of you know I’m not working in my area of study, which is not only disappointing, but complicated legally. There is red tape I have to cut through in order to even have the job I do now without the proper endorsement. And red tape is both irritating and expensive. It takes my time, my money, and my energy to sort through it and keep up with it.
Additionally, since I wasn’t able to find a job for my area of study this year and am back in the job I did last year, I moved fifty miles to be closer to work. While this is a good thing in many ways–way shorter commute!! less time and money spent in and on the car is always a plus!–it’s also been a strain in many ways. The new apartment is smaller and more expensive, but it is nice and I think I’m going to like it once I get everything settled.
Furthermore, I’ve accepted a new part time job, which is in my field thankfully, but it’s going to be a physically taxing, and time consuming job, which makes my regular job even more difficult. And between juggling two low-paying, high-time-demand jobs, expensive part time schooling that doesn’t go toward another degree, new family responsibilities placed squarely in my lap, and trying to unpack and settle into my new home, I’ve hardly had time to do regular chores such as cooking, dishes, laundry, showering, devotionals, etc. let alone hit any of my writing goals.
These recent changes have stirred up trouble in so many areas, and I won’t go into them all here. I’m perfectly fine with being transparent, but my point isn’t to unload on you guys; it’s to say that I think it’s okay to struggle sometimes. It’s okay to know that you aren’t okay. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes.
I’m seeing changes in so many areas–my job, my relationships, my family, my home, everything! And I’m not some perfect girl who writes these encouraging posts on her blog all the time. Except for one short novella, I haven’t read a book for me in almost a month! I haven’t read my Bible daily in almost two weeks. I’ve struggled to feel and see the positives, let alone share them with anyone else. My head is spinning with all of the changes happening in my life and in the lives of those I care most about right now. And some of those changes are hard to cope with. Some of them are life-altering and can’t be undone. Some of them are joyful changes and some of them make me want to cry. But either way, they are changing out of my control.
I keep reading articles about holding out and staying strong, about giving God control. Control is hard to let go of. At least for me. I’m an OCD perfectionist. XD We don’t like not having plans, or having them upended. But God makes the best plans. He makes plans that are even more amazing than those I can dream up. He allows change, even when it hurts. He uses change, I think. I know and believe with all of my heart that God’s plan is the best. But, that doesn’t make going through the steps I’m in any easier. Have you ever felt lost? Or disappointed? How do you find joy when you’re doing something you don’t want to do?
Have you ever heard the story of the two children who really, really, really wanted a pony? On their birthdays, both were placed each in a room full of manure. One sat down and cried, bemoaning what he didn’t have, and letting all of the crap drag him down. But the other practically played in the stuff, joyfully throwing it everywhere and stomping around in it. When asked what she was doing, the girl beamed and answered, “With all of this dung in here, there must be a pony somewhere!”
I trust God. I know His word is true, His promises are unbreakable. I don’t have to feel happy or overjoyed or anything else about my situation to trust that God is in control and that He is working all these changes to my good. I know that one day, all of this will make sense. It will be made right. I know that in the end, all of what He has in store will be worth the wait. I don’t doubt that. Not for an instant. But in the meantime…I want to be cheerful, to have joy, to have peace, and to shine God’s light where I am. In the now. So, despite how bummed some of these changes make me, I choose to actively, intentionally pursue joy instead of bemoaning all that’s wrong in my life.
I don’t want to wait to exhibit God’s grace, to sow His seeds, or to grow His fruits. I don’t want to twiddle my thumbs and let my situation drag me down until I find it difficult to even smile from day to day. Just because I’m not where I planned to be, not where I yearn to be, doesn’t mean I can’t find a way to make the most of where I am. I don’t need sunshine and roses to reap the truths in God’s word and to intentionally live them out.
Like the girl in the story, my goal is to live with an attitude that highlights the good, that searches for ways to make the situation beneficial. But, that isn’t easy. We were never promised easy. Only that we wouldn’t have to face it alone.
I heard a line a few months ago. I’m big about quotes and putting words up around my home and work space. I like seeing the encouragement and wisdom in front of me. If I put my goals down on paper, I’m much more likely to accomplish them. If I don’t write it down, it didn’t happen! On my mirror in my old apartment, I wrote in big letters “Rejection is God’s redirection.” I’ve faced a lot of that lately. It seems like no matter how hard I try to escape where I am, I’m always sucked right back into the pit. But seeing this quote every time I brushed my teeth and combed my hair lifted my spirits. Every time. Under it, in my new apartment, I plan to put another line I heard recently that I feel like I need in my life, “Work is an act of worship.”
For whatever reason I’m here, I am. And I need to learn to be here fully, to be here and work as if for my God. What I do when everyone is looking or when no one is looking should exhibit who God made me to be. And I believe God is using this time to shape me further, to mold me, and to refine me. Pruning hurts, but in the end, I’ll be glad for it.
If you’ve ever been in a place you most certainly didn’t want to be in, leave me a comment, tell me what you did to make it through? What quotes or words of wisdom can you offer me? What encouragement did others extend you? And how did you come out of that place to rest in the glory of God? I’d love any thoughts you guys could leave me!
Thanks for listening, guys, and I hope that some part of this helps you surge through your difficult and overwhelming changes while I try to sort through my own. Have an amazing week, y’all and until next time…
Love always,
Coralie